What does one do in a depression?

Well, for this little cycle (it comes and goes in waves) I watched "cheeky" shows like this one: Take Me Out UK
Let me tell you, I love dating shows for some reason. Always have. Blind Date, yes. Love Connection, absolutely. (Recently had a Chuck Woolery spotting in Austin, TX and I was starstruck!)
Furthermore, I knew that we stole a lot of shows from the UK. I knew that. I mean, The Office, Queer as Folk, Skins and more off the top of my head. But I didn't know we stole so damned much!! Come on, America, what's up? Do we not have any innovative thinkers here? Sure, we have some good shows now and then, but a lot of our fun shows seem to come from across the pond. Know what I mean?
So when I discovered that Take Me Out, my new favorite dating show from last season, was on in the UK, I was hooked. Now, technically of course, this show was adapted from Taken Out, an Australian show taking place in Melbourne. So I guess my rambling is moot on this one. But still, overall, the US stole another show.
I've also been into this show: Dating in the Dark
Admittedly, when I watched Dating in the Dark in the US, I thought it was stupid at forst. But sometimes it's the dumb things that hook you if you let them. Again, I'm not sure if this show originated in the UK or in Australia. I suppose both of those countries are just pretty awesome. I mean, the grass is always greener, but they certainly seem more fun in general. I guess I've just been too steeped in US politics and economy lately, and lack of civil rights for everyone and blah blah. It's draining. Lastly, my friends, you might wonder why I'm not more embarrassed by admitting to watching these shows. Firstly, what the hell do you do in a depressive fog?? At least I'm not shooting up. Second, people watch crap so much in this country it makes me squirm everytime I turn on basic cable (and nevermind all those other channels I don't get - that's a shame spiral right there). I am not a tv snob in everyday life, but I try not to watch most basic cable stuff. Lastly, watching those youngin's strut around (in Take Me Out for instance) and be silly and flirty and cheeky really takes me out of my own muck. It's as simple as that. What takes you out of your own muck?? Feel free to comment...(be nice to me)...

New Year, New Everything...I'll Try

Yes, it's a new year, everyone. I know people have infinitely worse problems and issues than me, but I've been dealing with loss and grief, identity crises, and depression. The latter hasn't gotten severe but close. So I will try to write some interesting posts and maybe some posts filled with things that help me through. I see all of the art in the world; I just don't see the possibilities. I think that's part of a depressive state. I also want to make it clear that I refuse to take medication at this point. I am not pulling a Tom Cruise, ladies and gents, because I do believe in taking what you need to take to function. I have seen many cases in which medication was absolutely necessary, some in my own family. But for now, for me, I abstain. I think that getting healthier physically (for sure) and mentally will do the trick. I just need a kick in the butt to start, really. And that's the HARDEST part. Finally, for now, I hate cheesy articles about depression that say "get more sunshine" and "laugh more" but this article did actually address a lot of the things I'm struggling with.
*For example, I forced myself out to this outdoor coffee shop type place. See the photo. Me trying to look chipper.* Have a wonderful day, everyone...

RIP Sandy Hook Elementary victims

Love and prayers to the many victims and their families. Such a horrible tragedy. Hearing their names read out loud is so hard to hear. Lots of bravery by the teachers and adults as well.

2/18

Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away to the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
That, we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect.
Without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolute unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?

I am but waiting for you.
For an interval.
Somewhere. Very near.
Just around the corner.

All is well.

Henry Scott Holland ~ 1847-1918
Canon of St. Paul's Cathedral ~ London. UK

monday, monday

Little bit of restructuring on this website, but we're up and runnin'.
I'm hoping to take on a lot more photographic work since Austin is really inspiring.
I will post those in the near future.

I'm also thinking about getting into some more documentary work, but I'll keep updating on that subject as it comes along.

If anyone knows of some good painting classes in the Austin area, please let me know by emailing americasbighead@gmail.com.

Coming Nite

Thank you, Austin, TX for making the transition so smooth. You're like an old, crinkly, leather seat - warm and comfy...
Of course, we move here and instantly the NYC area goes to 60 degrees...IN JANUARY -!

A performance of note, one that I enjoyed thoroughly, was part of the Frontera Fest. Check it out if you're out this way.

More to come...

life's a bitch, then ya die

I need to get that t-shirt.
Hard days but I'm thankful for what I have, to be sure.

Going to see the Naked and Famous and some other bands in Central Park on Sunday.
Probably going to see the Apes movie (why isn't 3D? yes, I'm a 3D whore) on Saturday and possibly also some Indian buffet-ing in there. I lvoe Indian food in all forms, but it's the one cuisine that I genuinely prefer a buffet. Not all the time, but sometimes. I love the idea of slopping on, pardon the phrase, several colors and textures on my plate and then lots of different sauces too. It's funny because normally I'm the type who doesn't like my varieties of food to touch each other on my plate. So I guess I'm just balls out opposite for Indian food.

My mom always got her breakfast buffet food - scrambled eggs, sausage, bacon, hashbrowns, whatever else - and then would pretend to put her syrup on her french toast or whatnot, but in reality would lather it all over her food. She loved when it intermingled. We used to go to Shoney's breakfast buffet in Orlando (when we went to Disney when I was a kid) -- I wonder if those restaurants still exist??
Or there's always Jose Tejas in Jersey. Looong wait though. I don't know the origins of this place but it's pretty good Mexican food (not Cali caliber of course -> yes, I'm one of those former Cali residents who says that a lot) but good for NJ/NY. Also, it's pretty cheap too. And their fries are addictive, long, skinny, delicious. Not to mention there huge and always strong margaritas and daiquiris. But again, others are aware of this and they show up often. There's always a huddle of waiting people at the entrance and there's a car hanging overhead and we're always like "do those people know there's a car hanging over their heads?"
I know I'm rambling about food, but what else is there to ramble about right now? Not too much.

Trying to finish up work tonight. Uprez-ing for the show Butterbean.

My boss showed me this and it's pretty funny.

Oh, and my time killing yielded this result and it's pretty gross so I thought I'd share the definition of butterbean.


All for now...