it's a combination for disaster

I just can't seem to get the hang of writing in this thing. But I think I remember it in "times of woe", and I'm also extremely terrifically bored at work. How much can a person myspace, for god's sake. Speaking of a higher power, today is supposed to be a holy day, a day of reflection. Oddly enough, that's what I'm doing, but it's sheathed in depressive intensity. Plus, I'm supposed to be fasting I suppose, but I'm not. I ate this egg sandwich thing at subway this morning, god only knows what GMO shit I actually ate. These two French women wanted the equivalent of a croissant and freshly squeezed OJ - a real French breakfast - but were in the wrooooong place. It was quite amusing. They motioned for the "sandwich artist" to give them rolls with butter. Of course he didn't have butter, but he finally asked with a chuckle if they'd like "fromage". So they agreed to those triangular onjects that resemble cheese. It was sad. Then they asked for espresso and he paused and was like "uh, no" so they got coffee and helped themselves to bottles of Minute Maid. What a clash of cultures. The crazy thing is, I saw one of them at work a few hours later. Her taste moved uptown to a more upscale locale (museum) rather than the shady subway on Houston street.
Anyway, I can only imagine what I'm going to feel as my higher digited birthdays approach if I feel this way now. It's such social pressure, really. I dunno. I'm reflecting on my life and I'm doing "fine" but is fine good enough? Fuck no. This woman on a PBS program last night was advocating that everyone in privilege has a responsibility to be intentional with their lives and help others. She went on and on very articulately and she's some human rights lawyer blah blah. Of course I agree with her, but I just think it's all so fucking theoretical.
I'm so sick of that. I can see why some of my peers are so drawn to farming, working the land, etc. I mean, I could never really be into that but it's so real and uncomplicated. I can be as anti-consumerist as I want to, but in the end, what the fuck am I doing with my goddamned life?
Maybe I'll post again with a limmerick or something because this shit is ridiculous.
(I'm also up in arms emotionally - people can be so cruel and I'm obviously too unstable to be romantic or even brutally unromantic)
more to come...

Listening to The Clash's This is Radio Clash, feelin' good

Day's almost done here in my cubicle lifeforce pod. After the initial desire to find any sharp object and use it against myself, I'm okay with working in this office. For now. At least I have a job and won't starve (haha, yeah right, me starve). I watched Bruce Almighty last nite (why??? -I'm not sure myself). The whole premise is this idiot (Jim Carrey of course) renounces god because his life is so horrible. But basically he doesn't get a news anchor job -ooo, Brianne, the news director would have a lot to say about that- and he steps in puddles and gets caught in traffic. WTF??? How sick and spoiled and disgusting are we as Americans? It makes me nauseous. I know it's just a stupid and poorly written plotline in a movie, but the core of the premise is what really gets me. So I'm applying that to my life and even though this job has the potential to suck out my soul completely--> what, am I being tortured? Is data entry and researching different types of colored avery binders really going to kill me? Is it that much misery? I think not.
I will try and digress. I've been fighting a cold or something lately. I need to be well for priiiide. Woohoo. I'm pretty sure I'm marching with the radical queers at the dyke march on Sat. I'm looking forward to it.
I'm going to see an apt today. Not sure if I can actually afford to move right now, but it's nice to see what there is out there. Having my own place will officially make me an adult. (?) Yick. Scary. But also freeing. I wonder how many women out there, in the entire world really, don't get the chance to live on their own. Occupy their own space. It kinda rocks, for me.
Over and out.