I just can't seem to get the hang of writing in this thing. But I think I remember it in "times of woe", and I'm also extremely terrifically bored at work. How much can a person myspace, for god's sake. Speaking of a higher power, today is supposed to be a holy day, a day of reflection. Oddly enough, that's what I'm doing, but it's sheathed in depressive intensity. Plus, I'm supposed to be fasting I suppose, but I'm not. I ate this egg sandwich thing at subway this morning, god only knows what GMO shit I actually ate. These two French women wanted the equivalent of a croissant and freshly squeezed OJ - a real French breakfast - but were in the wrooooong place. It was quite amusing. They motioned for the "sandwich artist" to give them rolls with butter. Of course he didn't have butter, but he finally asked with a chuckle if they'd like "fromage". So they agreed to those triangular onjects that resemble cheese. It was sad. Then they asked for espresso and he paused and was like "uh, no" so they got coffee and helped themselves to bottles of Minute Maid. What a clash of cultures. The crazy thing is, I saw one of them at work a few hours later. Her taste moved uptown to a more upscale locale (museum) rather than the shady subway on Houston street.
Anyway, I can only imagine what I'm going to feel as my higher digited birthdays approach if I feel this way now. It's such social pressure, really. I dunno. I'm reflecting on my life and I'm doing "fine" but is fine good enough? Fuck no. This woman on a PBS program last night was advocating that everyone in privilege has a responsibility to be intentional with their lives and help others. She went on and on very articulately and she's some human rights lawyer blah blah. Of course I agree with her, but I just think it's all so fucking theoretical.
I'm so sick of that. I can see why some of my peers are so drawn to farming, working the land, etc. I mean, I could never really be into that but it's so real and uncomplicated. I can be as anti-consumerist as I want to, but in the end, what the fuck am I doing with my goddamned life?
Maybe I'll post again with a limmerick or something because this shit is ridiculous.
(I'm also up in arms emotionally - people can be so cruel and I'm obviously too unstable to be romantic or even brutally unromantic)
more to come...
